


orange hues

by wtnbakswoo



Category: TREASURE (Korea Band), YG Treasure Box (TV)
Genre: Angst, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-29
Updated: 2020-11-29
Packaged: 2021-03-10 03:33:31
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,721
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27777676
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/wtnbakswoo/pseuds/wtnbakswoo
Summary: Doyoung was the favorite doctor by the patients in the children's ward. He always visits them during his break as he tells them some stories. But today's story was different from what they usually hear from the doctor.For it is his own story.
Relationships: Bang Yedam/Kim Doyoung
Comments: 4
Kudos: 46





	orange hues

**Author's Note:**

> Hello, if there are any typographical and grammatical errors present in this work, please don't mind them for now. I'll edit it once I had the time. Oh, and also, I lacked proper research for this work. Any medical term that's present in this work, if ever I used them in a wrong or inaccurate way, please forgive me. I don't have enough knowledge regarding medicine and only wrote this out of curiosity and boredom. Please enjoy!

"Kids, settle down now. Dr. Doyoung has already arrived." the nurse announced as soon as she entered the children's ward, and the kids suddenly started jumping off from their beds, sending the nurse to panic.

"Yey! It's my favorite doctor!" the young girl exclaimed, not even minding the dextrose that's punctured in her skin.

"Jean, didn't I told you to listen to Nurse Jang?" Doyoung arrived, givin an intimidating vibe to the kid. The young girl pouts, "Sorry, Dr. Doyoung. I was so excited." she apologized.

"Okay, accepted. Make sure not to do it again, okay?" the kid nods in assurance as she settled down to her bed.

In the past five years of working in the hospital, Doyoung has grown so fond of the kids after doing their surgeries and as well as being their assigned physician. That's why during his break, he visits the kids rather than enjoying his time alone.

_How much he hates being alone._

"Doyoung, I'll head out now." Wonyoung taps his shoulder, Doyoungs nods as she headed out, leaving Doyoung in the children's ward.

The kids were looking at him, curiosity fills them as they noticed that he's not bringing any books with him; which is what he always brings with him whenever he visits the ward, for he tells stories to the kids. One of them, Jean, asked aloud.

"Oh? You don't have books today?" Jean asked, eyes blinking continously as she walked towards Doyoung and examined him, but he doesn't have any.

Doyoung pats Jean, "Hey, I'm still going to tell you a story." he said, the little girl's faced beamed in delight as she quickly settled back to her bed.

"But, it's not a typical story that you always hear from me." he said, a bitter smile made it across his face, "Because this time, I'm telling you my story." he added, sitting properly as he sighed, was he ready to do this? No, not really. But he has to, just as he promised.

Five years, it's been five years already but the pain that the very same day as today still pains him hard, as if he's living at the very same moment every single second of his life.

He heaved multiple sighs before finally starting to tell his story, the story that he has kept for way too long already.

It was Sunday in the afternoon, the sun was about to set as the orange and pink hues were painted across the sky. Other people consider it as today's end but for Doyoung, it wasn't. He has tons of patients admitted in the emergency room and there are only three of them, excluding the eight nurses that's assisting the the doctors.

"What happened?" Doyoung asked the guardian of an aged man, crumpling in pain as he curled over the side of the hospital bed. He quickly plugging his stethoscope in as he checked his heartbeat, the guardian was shaking in fear as she cried in front of the doctor.

Doyoung shook his head, calling out a nurse to assist the patient instead since more patients are being admitted at the moment, "Nurse Kim, I think that guy might have a cardiac arrest. As of what I can diagnose for now, his heartbeat was so slow that I almost thought it's not beating. I only need his blood test results since that's the only thing I think is what can help me diagnose what happened."

The nurse nodded as Doyoung headed out to check the other patients, but then, another patient was admitted in; _and Doyoung's world seemed to crash._

"Dr. Kim, the patient was—" the nurse didn't finished what she was supposed to say as Doyoung quickly went on the patient as he was slowly being tranferred to a bed from a stretcher.

"W-what happened?" his voice cracked, the emergency responders were panting as one of them answered, "Someone said he collapsed and was out of breath, while on our way here, he stopped breathing." Doyoung immediately plugged his stethoscope in as he called in the nurses to help him out, "To the hybrid room." he ordered, and they obliged.

As soon as they entered, he quickly attached life support on him and as well as the holter monitor, hands were shaking from panic. He took his penlight and opened the patient's eye as he assessed for a pupil response, he panicked more as the patient didn't respond.

"Dr. Kim, the patient—" Nurse Jang tried stopping him, but Doyoung didn't let her, he just continued to asses the patient until the monitor falls to a beep; his heart stopped from beating.

Doyoung was frozen from his position, staring at the patient, then to the monitor, then back to the patient. He turned behind and looked at Nurse Jang, she slowly shaked her head.

"Wonyoung, don't tell me—" his voice cracks,his lips were trembling and he's in the verge of crying.

_He's already aware of it._

"He signed the DNR form." is what Wonyoung only said, finally releasing a sigh of relief as she finally had reminded the doctor of the said information. And just by those words, Doyoung seemed to be more desperate than ever.

_Fuck it, Bang Yedam._

_Not now._

He climbed on the hostpital bed as he started doing compressions, Wonyoung panicked as she tried to stop him, "Dr. Kim! Stop it! Have you forgot that he signed the form—"

"I don't care, Wonyoung! I'll take full responsibility on what happens so please just help me save him!" he continued to give compressions, but no avail; the monitor's still on beep and he's not even breathing.

"The defibrillator!" Wonyoung immediately pulled the machine near the hospital bed, "Charge 100 joules," the nurse obliged, "100 joules, charged."

"Stand back," he ordered, "Clear!" he exclaimed loudly as he pressed the paddles on Yedam's body, but no avail. Doyoung climbed back the bed as he statted doing compressions again, "Charge 200 joules!"

Minutes passed, still doing compressions and charging joules on Yedam's body but still, there's no response. And yet, Doyoung still hasn't gave up; he's determined to save him, his love.

"D-doyoung, stop—"

"No, W-wonyoung. He'll respond, he'll respond f-for me." he said in conviction, though there are tears seen in his eyes. 

"Yedam, wake up for me. P-please." he begged as he charged another 200 joules in his body, and there, finally; his heart was beating again.

Doyoung collapsed on the ground, staring in to space as he realized what he just did. He's aware of it, both of them were, but he didn't care and broke his promise to Yedam; to _not_ revive him and let him go peacefully if his time comes.

_I did for you, Yedam._

"DNR form?" aksed Lizzy, the youngest kid in the ward. Doyoung nods, "Yes, Lizzy. He signed the DNR form, that's why I'm not supposed to revive him." he explained, but it only confused the children more. One of them objected.

"And? So what if he signed the DNR form? You're a doctor! It's your job to save patients' lives!" exclaimed Andrei, one of the kids in the ward. Doyoung chuckled, "You know what Andrei, there are such things that a doctor can't do nor be involved in." he started.

"It was the patient's preference. And in this case, it only meant one thing;" he paused, feeling the knives stab him aggresively again. The children's faces looked at him with intent as he continued, "It meant, _he's all ready to go._ " he added, voice almost cracking.

As Yedam woke up inside the ICU, the first face that he saw was Doyoung's. Doyoung quickly wiped his tears as he smiled, "You're awake." he greeted, Yedam tried to sat up but Doyoung told him not to, "Rest there." he said.

"Why am I...in here?" Yedam asked, voice almost inaudible as he doesn't have the strength to talk anymore. Doyoung chewed on his lower lip before answering, "I'm sorry, Yedam." he apologized first.

"I revived you." he added, fidgeting his fingers, avoiding eye contact with the other.

"I thought, we've talked about this already—" Yedam struggles to talk through the oxygen mask that he was wearing. Doyoung shook his head.

"I know, I broke my promise." Doyoung confessed, tears forming again, "I just, can't. I don't want to." are the only words that he said, as he started sobbing at the blankets that's covering Yedam.

"Doyoung, look at me." he ordered, Doyoung obliged as he saw how tired Yedam's eyes were.

"I'm tired already," he smiled bitterly, reaching for the other's hand as he caressed them gently.

"Let me go now, please." he begged, breaking Doyoung to thousands of pieces.

Sobbing his heart out as he settles his face on the blankets, drenching them with his tears, Doyoung can't believe what he was hearing. He can't, and he doesn't want to. He hoped for this to be a dream. How we wished that he's just dreaming, but it's not.

It's the painful reality that he has to face, right now.

"I don't want to." he sobbed, "I've waited for years, Yedam. We just— we just started. Why does it have to end so soon?" he cried, running his fingers through his scalp as he grasp his hair hard, trying to control his emotions.

For the past years of courting, he never stopped pursuing Yedam; even after discovering his illness. He never cared, and was even determined to graduate and be a doctor so he can heal Yedam himself. He did it all, that's why seeing him beg for it— breaks Doyoung to pieces.

"It's destined to be this way, Dobby. We can't do anything." Yedam tried calming Doyoung down, but the effect was the opposite. Doyoung scoffed, tears still flowing down to his cheeks.

"No! It's only you who believed that shit, that's obviously not true! There can be other ways—"

"What other options is there, Doyoung?" Yedam interrupted, shutting Doyoung to silence.

"Either, I'll live in misery and pain from this illness or let me rest freely? Choose one." Yedam added, releasing faint breaths as tries to control his tears, threatening to fall.

Doyoung's tears doubled, maybe tripled, he doesn't know. He wants to be with him, he wants him to stay, but he also can't let him get hurt more. "Please, Doyoung. I'm tired of fighting already, I can't do this anymore." plead Yedam, eyes shutting slowly, breathing heavily from his own cries. Doyoung carefully held Yedam's hand, placing the back of the other's palm to his cheek as he stared at him dearingly.

Oh, God. No one knows how painful it is for him seeing his lover like this. Snow pale, eyes shutting close, with his heavy breaths and weak body; it's obvious that Yedam is giving up— no, _he already did._ And that realization got Doyoung thinking;

Did he did it for Yedam?

Or for _himself?_

 _"Learn how to let go, Doyoung."_ Yedam said, almost an inaudible whisper, he's so weak already. It hit Doyoung hard, it's obvious already; he's selfish. He's so selfish that he made himself see his lover in this state, that he made his lover suffer more for his own good, he's so selfish. He's a dumb idiot.

 _"Let me go."_ Yedam says before a tear escaped his eyes.

"Hey, why are you all crying?" asked Doyoung to the kids inside the ward, their eyes are teary as they continued to listen to Doyoung's story. Erin wiped tears as he asked the doctor.

"What happened next? What did you do?" Doyoung smiled bitterly to Erin's question. What did he do? Frankly speaking, he just jumped on whatever decision he made that day. He let himself fall on the pit od his own selfishness before realizing, he really has to let him go.

He looked at the kids, smiling at them as he answered, "I did what's right."

"So, this is it." says Doyoung, standing as he faced Yedam, along with Wonyoung and Junkyu who'll help him remove all of the life support that's helping Yedam function. As Doyoung removes Yedam's oxygen mask, he sat down beside him as he let Wonyoung and Junkyu remove the other equipments.

"We're saying our goodbyes now." he said, holding his hand, giving it a quick peck before caressing it. Yedam smiled bitterly, breathing heavily again as he tries to speak.

"I'm sorry it had to be this way." he apologized, making Doyoung lose his control as his tears made their own way to flow down to his cheeks. He rests his cheeks on Yedam's hand, that's slowly getting as cold as ice.

_It's near._

"You know that I love you, right?" Yedam smiled, even his breaths are now slowly turning ice cold. Doyoung nods, "I know."

Silence.

"Let's not meet again in our next lives." Yedam muttered, eyes closed, but still breathing. "Why?" Doyoung asked, watching him.

"I'm afraid that, I'll also hurt you in our next lives. I don't want to hurt you anymore." he answered, Doyoung chuckled. He tousles the other's hair as he bent closer to give him a kiss on his forehead. As his lips met the other's forehead, he felt it cold.

"Idiot." he replied, sitting back to his chair as he stared at him dearingly.

"I love you." he says before Yedam releases his last breath, monitor falls on beep; Doyoung's heart crushes to pieces.

As Junkyu disconnected the monitor from Yedam, he hugs the other tightly, Wonyoung joins him. Doyoung, cried hard over Yedam's now snow pale, cold and lifeless body. Few sniffles came out before he stared at him, then breaks down again to tears.

He let him go.

He fucking did.

_Finally._

"So, how's the story, kids?" he asked the kids, but they didn't answered. They were just, staring at him as if he's the most fragile thing on Earth. Jean stood up, walking towards him. Doyoung's eyebrows knit unconsciously by the younger's action.

"Can we hug you?" asked Jean, eyes tearing up. Doyoung didn't answered, instead, he looked at all of the patients one by one, just to see them on the verge of their tears. He chuckled before spreading his arms in the air as he welcomed them in his embrace.

"Gwaenchanha!" exclaimed by the kids as they comforted their favorite doctor. Doyoung hugged them back as he smiled at them in assurance; _he's fine._

Five years, but it still hurts. There's no such thing in this world that can be healed easily by time; and that includes his wounds. Wounds that he made by himself, wounds that was actually Yedam's that he claimed after, wounds that he caused Yedam by his selfishness, wounds that he doesn't know when will heal.

That day, the same day as today, and again, the sky was painted with orange and pink hues; the sun was about to set. It's the end of the day.

He never wanted to let him go, but he has to. He cannot let himself be selfish, he mustn't let himself to be.

_I don’t want to send you home now_  
_But I can’t_  
_I want to spend more time with you_  
_Just like the sun goes down, it will rise again_

He may not be able to say it, but when Yedam wished for them not to ever meet again, he cursed at himself. He wants to meet him again, be with him, spend all of his days with him, live every single day as if it's their last. He doesn't care if it'll hurt him and cut his wounds opend again; he wants to be selfish, again.

_Hoping time stops, just like this I wish for the sun to not set_  
_Smile for me_  
_So I can go home happily_

And when that day comes, he'll stop the time. He'll do everything it takes to cherish every single second of it, and then, he'll never let him go. Never ever, again.

_I'll find you, Yedam. I'll find you again, love you again, pursue you again, do everything again, even if it hurts. Because, it's not love if there's no pain, right? But, it can't be love either, if there's only pain. That's why I'll do everything it takes, just to be with you again._

"I'll wait 'till the day we'll meet again, my love."

**Author's Note:**

> Yeyyy! So, you made it up to here. I hope you enjoyed this work of mine, aksksks. If you wish to see more, check me out on twt @/wtnbakswoo_ and scream over hajeongwoo in there. Have a great day!!!!


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